He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
