He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
