im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
is that a dick in a sweater?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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