Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
