Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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