sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
