its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
