I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
