You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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