We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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