It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
