I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
