So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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