He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
