o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
