Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
