THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
