i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
