why do cheetos always look like penises
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
