Only a mothe r could love this liver
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
do nipples grow back?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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