yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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