she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I lost the right to judge tonight
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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