I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
