cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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