you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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