I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
