At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
