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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
