pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
