What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
