I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
