I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
