Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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