margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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