i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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