she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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