I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
