I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
