They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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