Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
