So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
