An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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