You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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