Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
