its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Girls should come with a carfax report
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
