wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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