I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
