So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just pee around me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
