if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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