I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do herpes really smell.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
