hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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