I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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